


So Two Time Lords Walk Into a Bar...

by Songswald



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-16 20:21:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/866221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Songswald/pseuds/Songswald
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten and Eleven meet in a bar and Eleven brings him back to his hotel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Two Time Lords Walk Into a Bar...

**Author's Note:**

> Written for an Eleven-Era Kink Meme prompt :)

The Doctor wasn’t really one to drink. He’d only touched alcohol a few times in his life and they’d for the most part ended up with him spitting it out and making a mess of some stranger’s clothes.  And by extension, he’d hardly ever been in a bar. Which is why he sat so uncomfortably in the barstool at some anonymous pub he, Amy, and Rory and happened across.

 

He’d been having a perfectly quiet evening with Amy and Rory while they all sat around a fireplace located in one of the many rooms on the Tardis, reminiscing about the last adventure they’d been on while drinking tea and eating Jammie Dodgers.

 

“I swear we’re going to have to lock her up. Ten minutes. _Ten minutes_ we spent on that planet before Amy started insulting the locals,” Rory mused.

 

“Hey it’s not my fault. The Doctor said they liked it when you complimented the shape of their foreheads. How was I supposed to know that ‘rectangular and shiny’ didn’t qualify as a compliment? I like shiny things,” Amy responded.

 

“Yeah well you didn’t have test out your conversational skills with the _leader of the entire nation_. Nearly got us killed. And he ruined one of my bow ties. It was my favorite. Now I’m going to have to have a burial for it.” The Doctor looks dejectedly down at his neck where said bowtie was still hanging in tatters.

 

“Maybe it wouldn’t be ruined if someone had given me the proper knowledge on how to woe the natives. Honestly I thought it was an improvement from last time when we went to that one matriarchal society and Rory accidently called those women ugly. Remember how we had to seek refuge in that drug dealer’s basement while for a week while they searched for us? At least I didn’t get us in that deep.”

 

“Hey I _told_ you that was an accident.”

 

“Between the two of you I’m not going to have a single planet left to seek refuge on,” the Doctor said wistfully.

 

“Well there’s always earth,” Rory suggested.

 

“Speaking of earth,” Amy said, standing up, I’m in the mood for a nice trip to the pub. I could use a pint.”

 

“What? You want to go out now? We’ve just run from intergalactic aliens and you want to go get drunk?”

 

“Come on. I know you never drink but I need something to take the edge off. And you can always just munch on the pretzels. What about you Rory?”

 

“Okay count me in,” Rory said, standing as well.

 

So somehow, the Doctor had been roped into going to a bar. How he wasn’t exactly sure. He was never really sure. At this point in the evening, Amy and Rory were both thoroughly intoxicated. He spotted them standing over near a dusty old jukebox trying banging on it and pleading with it in an attempt to make it play. Eventually they started petting it as if it were a small kitten they could coax into working. Definitely wasted.

 

The Doctor didn’t like it when Amy and Rory were drunk. He was never good at handling drunk people and it made him feel like their father when he inevitably had to corral them back to the Tardis. Only tonight he decided it would be better if they just stayed at the hotel next door. After he noticed them starting to get a little bit tipsy he adventured to the hotel next door to get them all adjoining rooms. He didn’t think he was quite up to trying to get them back to the Tardis. Especially since he couldn’t quite remember where he parked it.

 

So he’d resolved to find it in the morning. After he booked the rooms, he gave Amy and Rory and extra key to their room with the number written on it in case something happened and they got separated from him. Unlikely, but you never knew when some foreign race would decide to make earth its new home. And when that happened he didn’t want to worry about his friends having someplace to sober up.

 

He turned back towards the actual bar and decided to at least try to drink something. He ordered the weakest drink available: some fruity concoction with a low alcohol level. Sometimes if he really wanted to he could get through one of these types of drinks.

 

The bartender served him and so for the next half hour or so he sipped on his drink, surprising himself when his glass appeared empty and he asked for another. It took fifteen more minutes before he had downed his second and requested a third. This was the most he’d drunk since… well since ever.

 

He was halfway through his drink, trying to spot Amy and Rory again, when he saw something that made his blood run cold. It was himself. A much younger version of himself (his 10th regeneration to be exact) was currently talking to one Captain Jack Harkness on the other side of the pub. He also had a tie wrapped around his head and a pair of abominable glasses. The strawberry daiquiri his younger self was holding was most likely responsible for his state of dress. 

 

The memory of what happened next came rushing back to him with terrible clarity. Because he _remembered_ this night from his 10 th regenerations point of view and now he can’t imagine how he’d ever forgotten it.

 

It had been right after Rose had left, before he’d started traveling with Martha Jones so it was still fairly early days in that regeneration. He’d been in a terrible state of depression and Jack had seen insisted on taking him out to pick up guys.

 

The older Doctor tried to remember how their encounter started. He was fairly certain the the younger him approached the older him and started hitting on him. Terribly, he might add. His intoxication made him clumsy and at one point he was pretty sure he spilled a drink on himself. He guessed he’d just have to wait and see.

 

 

The Doctor stood with Jack Harkness, both of them fairly drunk. Jack had struck out several times, but the Doctor had yet to make an attempt. Despite the alcohol, he just didn’t think he had it in him to be with someone else after Rose.

 

“Come on Doctor, go talk to that cute guy over there. He was checking you out earlier,” Jack pats him on the back and points to a man sitting at the bar.

 

The Doctor inspects the man sitting there. He appears to be fairly young, dark brown hair, a tweed jacket, and a bow tie. A little peculiar but overall not bad at all. But still… “I don’t know Jack.”

 

“The whole reason we came here is so that you could get back on the horse. I know that before Rose you weren’t romantically involved for a while. And I-I know how you felt about her.” At that point Jack’s voice cracks and the Doctor can tell he’s holding back. Sometimes he forgets that Jack was her friend too. “Hell I’m still getting over it. But you have to know what it’s like to be with someone else. Otherwise she’ll keep hanging over you. You have to accept that she’s gone.”

 

The Doctor nods. It’s hard though. One of the hardest things he’s ever had to do. And he doesn’t know if he’s up for it. But he jumps in head first anyway. Because he knows that Jack is right.

 

He walks over to the man sitting there. “Two more of what he’s having,” the Doctor says to the bartender. He turns to face the man, takes a deep breath, and says, “Hey.”

 

The man looks at him curiously. “Hello.”

 

The Doctor extends his hand, “I’m the Doctor.”

 

The other man takes it. “John Smith.”

 

The Doctor chuckles. “John Smith huh? That’s a coincidence. I know a John Smith.”

 

For the next half hour or so they talk and flirt. They’ve both had a few more drinks and are a little bit tipsy. The Doctor is telling John a story and goes to make an exaggerated hand gesture but ends up spilling his drink all over the man sitting next to him. “Oh no, look what I’ve done. Here let me clean that up.”

 

He grabs some napkins to wipe up the spill. He starts trying to get the drink out of the other man’s pants, his hand moving up the other’s leg. His movements become slower and he’s no longer cleaning the drink out of his pants as he is stroking his thigh now. He looks up at John and within seconds they’re kissing.

 

               

The Doctor thought it would be weirder to kiss himself. Of course, he’d already done it. But back then he hadn’t known it had been himself. He lets his hands wander into his 10th regenerations hair as his lips move furiously across the other’s. His younger self’s hands are wandering across his chest and up over his shoulders. He lightly runs his tongue across the other’s lower lip, asking for entrance. The younger Doctor immediately opens his mouth to him and they start kissing even more furiously than before. The Doctors hands bunch in the younger versions suit jacket and he pulls him closer, almost off the barstool.

 

Finally they break apart for air. The Doctor looks down at his ruined pants. “I better get these off and soak them.”

 

“Oh. Okay,” the other Doctor says, taking it as a rejection as opposed to what it actually is: an invitation.

 

“You could, you could come with me if you want?” the 11th regeneration says. The other Doctor’s eyes light up and he nods okay. “Where are you staying?”

 

“Just at the hotel next door.”

 

“Well then. Allons-y.”

 

After paying their tab they exit the pub, hands interlocked. They each vaguely worry about the friends they left behind, but the older knows they’ll be fine (having lived this already) and the younger reassures himself that Jack will manage by himself.

 

They reach the elevator and the 11th regeneration reaches over to grab his counterpart’s head and starts furiously snogging him again. It is a little strange kissing himself but it’s actually… kind of fun. The last person he kissed was River. But kissing himself is different from kissing River. Where River is so sure of herself, his younger self is far from sure. It’s more experimental, as if they’re learning what the other enjoys unlike with River where he’d known her long enough that they both know what the others like. It’s also strange because he’s learning what his 10th self liked in a body other than his 10th self.

 

There’s a ding and suddenly the doors are opening to their floor. They calmly walk down the hall and the Doctor uses the key card to get it.

 

He’s not quite sure how to feel about this. He knows this is a key moment for his younger self; it was part of what allowed him to move forward in his life as opposed to being a big mess of emotions all the time. But he knows that despite enjoying himself to an extent, it’s unlikely that this would be happening if he didn’t remember how important it was to his younger self’s timeline.

 

Oh and how remembers being here before. It was one of the scariest things he’d ever done. His nerves were on fire, his hearts beating twice as hard. It actually was a fairly enjoyable evening after he got over the original shakiness.

 

Once they’re inside, the older Doctor pushes the other against the door and they resume kissing. He bites down lightly on his counterpart’s lower lip and it elicits a light moan.

 

 _Yeah, this is going to be fun_ he thinks as they stumble into the bedroom, a trail of clothes following them.

 

 

The Doctor lies back on the hotel bed, attempting to regain his breath. “That was…”

“Amazing,” the man lying beside him says. The Doctor briefly marvels at his actions that night. He got drunk. He chatted someone up in a pub. He stumbled into bed with a random stranger. All things he’d never done before.

 

He didn’t regret a single one of them. He chuckles.

 

“What?” John says next to him.

 

“Nothing. It’s nothing. I just never thought I would ever do something like this.”

 

“Well I’m glad you did.”

 

The Doctor wraps his arms around him. Despite not knowing this man, he feels a certain amount of closeness to him after what they just partook in. He rests his head against the other mans chest.

 

Which is when he feels two heartbeats.

 

He slowly raises his head and looks over at the man who claimed he was John Smith and his mind finally puts it all together. “Are you… me?

 

The other man nods slowly and looks at the younger Doctor. He takes a deep breath and asks, “And we just…?”

 

“…Yeah.”

 

“Shouldn’t time be, you know.” He gestured an explosion.

 

“You would think. But evidently not or else I wouldn’t be here would I?”

 

The Doctor suddenly feels furious that his older self neglected to tell him this vital information. How could he have let himself just have sex with him without telling him who he was?

 

Then two things happen at once. First, a drunk Amy and Rory stumble in laughing through the adjoining room. Second, the younger Doctor burst out, “I can’t believe I just shagged myself!”

 

Amy and Rory’s grins quickly change to confusion and then equal parts wonder and what-did-we-just-walk-in-on as they register what they heard.

 

In another simultaneous act, Rory amends, “We should come back later.” While Amy laughs out, “Oh my God how did that happen?”

 

And apparently her laughter is contagious because after a few seconds Rory joins her. They spend a solid minute doubled over, laughing at what they stumbled in on. Both the Doctors look at them without a trace of amusement.

 

“Your companions?” the younger asks the older.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I don’t think I ever had to deal with companions this nosey before.”

 

“Yes Rory is especially nosey,” the older says.

 

“I mean look at that thing.”

 

“I’m constantly surprised he doesn’t keep falling forward with the extra weight.”

 

“I would imagine. I bet it must be a _nose-sance_.” The Doctors laugh at their-his- play on the word nuisence and to Amy and Rory’s disbelief, actually high five over the terrible pun.

 

Rory turns to Amy. “What’s happening right now?” A look of mild horror paints his face.

 

Amy shakes her head, a similar looks crossing her face. “I have no idea. But two Doctors? We can hardly handle one.”

 

“Right! Of course. I would properly introduce you all but I wouldn’t want to ruin anything for the younger me. Speaking of which, perhaps you two should leave so we can get dressed.”

 

Rory covers his eyes. “Oh God I forgot they’re naked under there. Come on Amy this is something I really don’t want to see.”

 

They step back out of the room, but not before Amy promises to make fun of the Doctor for this later.

 

Both Doctors start to get dressed. They smile at each other awkwardly before the younger one turns to leave. He opens the door and right as he’s about to turn to leave he says, “Oh and um, thanks.”

 

The older one smiles back. “Yeah. It was fun. Just wait until you live it the second time.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I kind of wimped out on the actual smut. I tried writing it a few times but it kept coming out super ooc that I just deleted it and decided to skip over it.


End file.
